Everyone has gone through something that makes you who you are. Some of you may know me pretty well, others probably not. There are some things about me that no one knows. I’ve been a Christian since I was 4 years old. I have had times where I kind of went away from God. But for the most part I’ve always had a relationship with him, which has always been really important to me. Maybe it’s not important to you or maybe you haven’t tried having a relationship with God, but I’m going to share with you a story of how having that relationship has effected me and formed me into what I am today.
A while ago I went through a depression. It happened pretty gradually, starting with me not reading my Bible as much. Then I started to concentrate on little things that didn’t really matter. I let it steal my peace. Then I started getting mad over those little things. It was like that snow ball effect. Everything was just building into another thing. But because it happened so gradually I wasn’t noticing that big of a change so I thought I was fine. I wasn’t happy, I knew that. I just didn’t feel like reading or going to God. I was moody all the time. I wasn’t content or grateful. I was just mad. Then I started feeling really alone. It was like that little snowball had become so big and rolled all the way down the hill and finally crashed. All there was was me. I acted fine around other people. I would smile around them and when they asked how I was I would find a way around the question. Even though I didn’t give people a reason to ask how I really was I wanted someone to. I would ask how they were instead so that no one knew that I was depressed. And it worked. I had convinced myself that no one cared. I just stayed that way for a while. No reason to get out of bed. The days were worthless and so was I. At night I would sit there and listen to songs, crying out for God to hear me, to talk to me, to comfort me. But I heard nothing. In that time I felt like God had abandoned me. Finally one night I reached out to a girl who lives all the way in Oklahoma. She was going to a Christian collage, and helped me out a lot. I needed someone who would encourage me. She told me that she had been depressed before too and that telling someone was the first step to recovery. I also knew I wasn’t alone.
Recovery was the next thing that happened. It was hard to do. I had to force myself to get up out of bed and to read my Bible. I also wrote in a journal, constantly telling God how I felt. I wrote a list of things to be thankful for and had to read them everyday when I got upset to see the good. I made myself do things during the day like cleaning. I would listen to only Christian music and some songs really helped me. The song Never Alone by Barrlow Girl (a Christian rock band) helped but mainly because of the story that went with it. They had gone through a time where they needed God but couldn’t hear him and didn’t feel his warmth. But they stuck it out and God did come through.
The thing that impacted me the most was Psalms chapter 31. King David was the king of Israel around 1000 B.C. In this chapter it talks about David crying out to God because he was depressed. He felt like God wasn’t responding, but in the end he found that God did hear him. I realized that God was there when I went to Michigan Adventures with my family. My cousin locked her keys in the car and out of no where this guy comes up and says that he used to opens cars for people for a living. I knew that was God. Why else would this guy have come to us? Unfortunately he didn’t have his tools with him but he reminded my aunt about triple A. My aunt had forgotten completely about it.
The next way God showed me he was real was by actually talking to me. God can talk to us in many different ways. He’s that gut feeling, the voice inside your head. He can give us dreams or visions. He has a still small voice. I was just sitting alone and I had this feeling inside me to start a blog. So I asked my mom and dad if I could and I did. So I end up making a blog. God sent a friend of my moms to help me start it. But I didn’t know what to write. Suddenly when I read my Bible scriptures would pop out at me and I would get how they related to real life. So here I am. Now my blog has grown a lot. God talks to me a lot. I never feel alone. He gives me these ideas to put onto my blog to help out others. So I let him lead and guide me. In fact my blog will be a link on my churches new website. I am not on fire for God, which means I am excited everyday to wake up in the morning because I might be able to be used by him to help someone else. I am full of joy and peace now. It is all because he sent that girl to help me. I wanted to keep the cycle going.
To sum it all up I might have went through a hard time but after it was over I have a better relationship with him. That depression made me who I am today. The last thing I’m going to say is a quote I wrote.
“Sometimes bad things happen and we don’t know why. But once we make it to the other side, that story becomes out testimony. And we can relate to others and aid them in their struggles”
- By D
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